The self is a bundle of contradictions. We want, we get, we want something else.
Suppose I had all the things I wanted when I was ten years old; every material possession, every physical and mental attribute, friendship with my favorite characters and heroes on TV and in the movies, the most fun games and toys. Who would I have become at 11? And suppose I had all the things I wanted when I was 25; a PhD, the perfect job, the ideal mate, the gorgeous home? Who would I have been at 26? Thirty five is an even greater mystery. At thirty five I wanted to penetrate this world, to find out what was on the other side, to taste consciousness of another flavor. Suppose I attained this desire. Who would I have aspired to become when I 36?
Beneath it all there is another want that is difficult to name. It disguises itself in a matrix of physicality where pleasure and pain are avenues that merge on a boulevard toward inevitable death. When you let go of mundane desires you discover a grander, more celestial desire. I am in the process of surrendering to that desire.
On the surface it seems that this desire is in conflict with life itself. We often think of conflict as a bad thing, an unpleasant experience that requires choice, selecting one perspective or opportunity over another. It does not need to be that way.
Here I am, seemingly trapped in this physical body and held within the boundaries of self consciousness. Not so, for within this self consciousness there is a spark, a memory that is distant and mysterious. It is one of plurality, of being beyond the state of oneness.
The self is a condition of continual wanting. The soul is an experience of perpetual having. Give the self what it wants, and it will want something else. What it truly wants is to be united with soul.
What about soul? If it already has all that it wants and needs, why this desire to surrender to individuality?
Perhaps the soul in its state of perpetual having is simply having an experience of self, an individual mission that cannot be completely understood within the context of that self.
The self has a mission, and each one is unique. I came here almost sixty years ago with a mission, but the mission is still not completely clear. I have discovered, however, that there is a relationship between my wants and desires and my mission. Desire is a queer thing. What one wants does not come in a complete package. It isn’t as though they came in a bundle that was scattered, and it has become my task to identify and experience them. I’ve discovered that you cannot collect what was not contained. Desires come in sequences and cycles. They have contingencies and build upon one another, and sometimes there is no way to predict a future want.
An irony in the concept of self is that desires often come from outside of self. They come from other people, their influence, their shared experience. The mystery of attraction is worth contemplating. How does the company you keep influence your desire? How do you influence the company you keep? What brings the greatest happiness, the greatest contentment? Is there a balance between mundane, physical desires and spiritual desires?
When I think back on my life, it was the periods of balance that brought me everything I wanted.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
A Summer Dream
“As above, so below.”
“Suppose there is no below?”
“You want me to make something up?”
“No, there is a difference between what comes to you and what you imagine.”
“They both bring reality, but reality that has its origin in imagination comes with a price.”
“Isn’t there an exception concerning memory and association?”
“Well of course, and that’s all worked out in psychological identity.”
“Then it wasn’t a dream when I was a kid and I broke the world?”
“All that projection and self stuff, well that was in the realm of dream.”
“So what happens when there is no below?”
“Lucky them who are in the higher planes.”
“No, oh no, we are all one. Remember? It’s still all about service.”
“So is the earth gone or is this an Atlantis kind of thing?”
“It’s an Atlantis thing, but there are no four corners of the earth to migrate to. The migration is out there, the solar system.”
“So when I leave below it will be like moving out of the desert.”
“Not exactly, in fact for many it will be like moving to the desert.”
“And that’s because there are degrees of above.”
“Yes, and that segmentation will become more pronounced.”
“Below is an effective vehicle to progress.”
“Are you suggesting that there will be no below?”
“There will always be below, just fewer opportunities of expression.”
“No books. No CD’s. No storage devices to express art and beauty, to summarize what we have learned.”
“And no sleep.”
“But lots of work.”
“Work? What do you mean work?”
“Well there must be order. Of course it begins in what appears to be chaos. Events always appear chaotic. The helter skelter will settle to near stagnance.”
“Like being inside yourself, unable to move as fast as you feel you need to move.”
“Unlike earth, where you are permitted to move as fast as impulse will take you.”
“But the earth isn’t gone. There are just fewer opportunities. And of course there is solar exploration.”
“And is the solar exploration a below endeavor, or an endeavor from above?
“Both, but above initiate’s it.”
“So what happened?”
“Some of us knew what was coming. I was bleeding in and out of here and there like a dream, and I could not tell where I was. I was standing in the hall with a crowd of people and I bumped into a woman I knew named Cathy, but then it wasn’t Cathy.”
“Your brother is dead, but he is standing right behind you next to some girl.”
“That girl is my daughter, she died too. I lost my brother and my daughter. Why did this happen to me?”
She collapsed in my hug with a sob and we got on an elevator with a large group of people that I knew but could not identify. I sat on the floor waiting, hoping that my life would not end in the elevator. I could not take that, or rather the memory that it would create. I stood up and walked to the control panel, then pushed the button to open the door.
“We have not moved.” There was laughter and rustling and I pushed the ground floor button. It finally landed and we all got out.
“There is still time.”
“Yes, but hang on to your egreores. Call to them. They are all you will have.”
“Egregores meaning the group experiences I have had, and the energy created from them.”
“Especially those that have a celestial focus.”
There was smoke and a sweet incense that contained our temple as we traveled in back of the huge truck. Outside, the highway divided a magnificent garden on one side, and a desolate waste land on the other.
“Who did the landscape design? Who is the gardener?”
“There is none.”
“But could there be, I mean on the other side, over there, where nothing grows?”
“Imagine it and it will be.”
“So there is value in imagination.”
“Well of course, but it extends the journey.”
We huddled in the back of the truck, the same crew that was in the hall and in the elevator. We were like a collective soul of shared identity and memory, but there was still me. And it was my turn. I could see them up ahead in a bubble surrounded by clouds. They were the rapture people, all safe inside their imagined heaven. Yet one of them called to me.
“If this is heaven and all of you are saved in this paradise, then who am I?”
“You must be the devil, about to tempt me to do something I shouldn’t do.”
“I am no devil, and I am no angel either. Why would that exist if this is the paradise of heaven?”
“I’ve worn out this paradise and need to move on. Is there room on the truck for me?”
“There are many trucks. Let’s see if we can find the right truck for you.”
“Suppose there is no below?”
“You want me to make something up?”
“No, there is a difference between what comes to you and what you imagine.”
“They both bring reality, but reality that has its origin in imagination comes with a price.”
“Isn’t there an exception concerning memory and association?”
“Well of course, and that’s all worked out in psychological identity.”
“Then it wasn’t a dream when I was a kid and I broke the world?”
“All that projection and self stuff, well that was in the realm of dream.”
“So what happens when there is no below?”
“Lucky them who are in the higher planes.”
“No, oh no, we are all one. Remember? It’s still all about service.”
“So is the earth gone or is this an Atlantis kind of thing?”
“It’s an Atlantis thing, but there are no four corners of the earth to migrate to. The migration is out there, the solar system.”
“So when I leave below it will be like moving out of the desert.”
“Not exactly, in fact for many it will be like moving to the desert.”
“And that’s because there are degrees of above.”
“Yes, and that segmentation will become more pronounced.”
“Below is an effective vehicle to progress.”
“Are you suggesting that there will be no below?”
“There will always be below, just fewer opportunities of expression.”
“No books. No CD’s. No storage devices to express art and beauty, to summarize what we have learned.”
“And no sleep.”
“But lots of work.”
“Work? What do you mean work?”
“Well there must be order. Of course it begins in what appears to be chaos. Events always appear chaotic. The helter skelter will settle to near stagnance.”
“Like being inside yourself, unable to move as fast as you feel you need to move.”
“Unlike earth, where you are permitted to move as fast as impulse will take you.”
“But the earth isn’t gone. There are just fewer opportunities. And of course there is solar exploration.”
“And is the solar exploration a below endeavor, or an endeavor from above?
“Both, but above initiate’s it.”
“So what happened?”
“Some of us knew what was coming. I was bleeding in and out of here and there like a dream, and I could not tell where I was. I was standing in the hall with a crowd of people and I bumped into a woman I knew named Cathy, but then it wasn’t Cathy.”
“Your brother is dead, but he is standing right behind you next to some girl.”
“That girl is my daughter, she died too. I lost my brother and my daughter. Why did this happen to me?”
She collapsed in my hug with a sob and we got on an elevator with a large group of people that I knew but could not identify. I sat on the floor waiting, hoping that my life would not end in the elevator. I could not take that, or rather the memory that it would create. I stood up and walked to the control panel, then pushed the button to open the door.
“We have not moved.” There was laughter and rustling and I pushed the ground floor button. It finally landed and we all got out.
“There is still time.”
“Yes, but hang on to your egreores. Call to them. They are all you will have.”
“Egregores meaning the group experiences I have had, and the energy created from them.”
“Especially those that have a celestial focus.”
There was smoke and a sweet incense that contained our temple as we traveled in back of the huge truck. Outside, the highway divided a magnificent garden on one side, and a desolate waste land on the other.
“Who did the landscape design? Who is the gardener?”
“There is none.”
“But could there be, I mean on the other side, over there, where nothing grows?”
“Imagine it and it will be.”
“So there is value in imagination.”
“Well of course, but it extends the journey.”
We huddled in the back of the truck, the same crew that was in the hall and in the elevator. We were like a collective soul of shared identity and memory, but there was still me. And it was my turn. I could see them up ahead in a bubble surrounded by clouds. They were the rapture people, all safe inside their imagined heaven. Yet one of them called to me.
“If this is heaven and all of you are saved in this paradise, then who am I?”
“You must be the devil, about to tempt me to do something I shouldn’t do.”
“I am no devil, and I am no angel either. Why would that exist if this is the paradise of heaven?”
“I’ve worn out this paradise and need to move on. Is there room on the truck for me?”
“There are many trucks. Let’s see if we can find the right truck for you.”
The Addiction of Prediction
Why are things unknown? Is there a purpose, an intention, in not knowing? Not knowing is unpleasant, it creates stress and anxiety and allows phobia and delusion to take root in our brain. Sometimes it seems the wheel of fortune is spinning out of control, introducing profound change in all that we are accustomed to including the people around us, our relationships and environment, even our physical bodies.
The idea that things are unknown to us seems a contradiction to natural law. There is thought energy in the universe, and thought precedes reality. Likewise we each create our own reality, limited only by the karma we have imposed upon ourselves. Yet if this is true, why don’t we know everything that is going to happen?
As I reflect on this question I think that perhaps we do have the capability, and or the means, to truly know and forecast the future. Perhaps the condition of not knowing is one of choice that comes about from two sources: 1) our ability to accept rather then deny, and remain focused on the grander rather than immediate future, as the immediate future is at times unpleasant 2) our experience with different methods of prediction, as different methods produce different results and varying degrees of accuracy.
Prediction comes in at least three flavors or methods. The first comes from ‘me’. It comes from within and is the truest sense of knowing. In essence what comes from ‘me’, from within, really comes from God, as God is part of each and every one of us. The second flavor of prediction comes from ‘you’, from other people in the mundane and astral worlds. ‘You’ see my future and ‘you’ tell me about it. The third flavor of prediction has an ‘us’ or ‘we’ element to it, and it transcends the mundane as well as the astral. It is collective expression, collective prediction. In the mundane world it lives in synergy, in the concept of group thought. In the astral it lives in the communion of like minded souls.
Prediction comes with a matrix of possibility, a menu of options. This is the first challenge in our state of consciousness because it implies that one and only one possibility is true. Truth is relative; relative to you, relative to me, relative to the cycles of time that bind it.
Consider for a moment why there is a matrix of possibility. Can the future be changed? If an individual foresees an event or situation, can the knowledge inspire planned behavior to circumvent it? The important thing here to consider is the degree of possibility, which implies evaluating why things happen. Cause and effect are critical evaluation points.
The second challenge is one of limited perceptual and associative capability. The process of association and the way the brain defines truth is a continuous process, and consequently the meaning we associate with an experience changes as we associate it with continued experience. Association has an emotional component that colors our perspective as well. What one experiences beyond self can only be described and explained within the context of self, within the boundaries of self experience. No matter what we do in this mundane world, regardless of our behavior or intentions, no matter how profound our meditations or dreams, we always return to the limitations of self consciousness, to our individual process of association.
And yet there are times when a dream comes to warn you about impending danger, or another person has a hunch about something that is going to happen to you, and it comes true. Even though these experiences can be few and far between, they are powerful and may inspire us to seek more and greater predictions.
Prediction is addictive, and there is a dangerous element to it. The danger lies in the nature of thought, the nature of reality, namely that thoughts are real and that thought precedes reality. If you believe in a prediction, be it your own or one that someone has forecast for you, it has the potential to manifest.
I find that the best way to predict the future is to create it. That doesn’t mean that I have unlimited control. I have a sense for my boundaries. They come from my knowledge of past behavior, and the consequences that will inevitably come. I am also bound by cycles, cycles of physical, psychological and spiritual development, cycles of our species and our planet.
I not only have boundaries, I have influences. I am subject to the influence of the people and environment that surround me, of the moon and stars. Rather then surrender to boundaries and influence and give in to the notion of uncontrolled destiny, I prefer a balanced approach. When I imagine, before I visualize, I reconcile by reflecting who I was and I am with what I want to become. When I do not reflect and reconcile, what I imagine does not become as I imagined it but rather there are additional features and consequences that reflect my karma and my influence. And yes there are usually features and consequences that I do not expect. My preference is to keep them at a minimum.
The idea that things are unknown to us seems a contradiction to natural law. There is thought energy in the universe, and thought precedes reality. Likewise we each create our own reality, limited only by the karma we have imposed upon ourselves. Yet if this is true, why don’t we know everything that is going to happen?
As I reflect on this question I think that perhaps we do have the capability, and or the means, to truly know and forecast the future. Perhaps the condition of not knowing is one of choice that comes about from two sources: 1) our ability to accept rather then deny, and remain focused on the grander rather than immediate future, as the immediate future is at times unpleasant 2) our experience with different methods of prediction, as different methods produce different results and varying degrees of accuracy.
Prediction comes in at least three flavors or methods. The first comes from ‘me’. It comes from within and is the truest sense of knowing. In essence what comes from ‘me’, from within, really comes from God, as God is part of each and every one of us. The second flavor of prediction comes from ‘you’, from other people in the mundane and astral worlds. ‘You’ see my future and ‘you’ tell me about it. The third flavor of prediction has an ‘us’ or ‘we’ element to it, and it transcends the mundane as well as the astral. It is collective expression, collective prediction. In the mundane world it lives in synergy, in the concept of group thought. In the astral it lives in the communion of like minded souls.
Prediction comes with a matrix of possibility, a menu of options. This is the first challenge in our state of consciousness because it implies that one and only one possibility is true. Truth is relative; relative to you, relative to me, relative to the cycles of time that bind it.
Consider for a moment why there is a matrix of possibility. Can the future be changed? If an individual foresees an event or situation, can the knowledge inspire planned behavior to circumvent it? The important thing here to consider is the degree of possibility, which implies evaluating why things happen. Cause and effect are critical evaluation points.
The second challenge is one of limited perceptual and associative capability. The process of association and the way the brain defines truth is a continuous process, and consequently the meaning we associate with an experience changes as we associate it with continued experience. Association has an emotional component that colors our perspective as well. What one experiences beyond self can only be described and explained within the context of self, within the boundaries of self experience. No matter what we do in this mundane world, regardless of our behavior or intentions, no matter how profound our meditations or dreams, we always return to the limitations of self consciousness, to our individual process of association.
And yet there are times when a dream comes to warn you about impending danger, or another person has a hunch about something that is going to happen to you, and it comes true. Even though these experiences can be few and far between, they are powerful and may inspire us to seek more and greater predictions.
Prediction is addictive, and there is a dangerous element to it. The danger lies in the nature of thought, the nature of reality, namely that thoughts are real and that thought precedes reality. If you believe in a prediction, be it your own or one that someone has forecast for you, it has the potential to manifest.
I find that the best way to predict the future is to create it. That doesn’t mean that I have unlimited control. I have a sense for my boundaries. They come from my knowledge of past behavior, and the consequences that will inevitably come. I am also bound by cycles, cycles of physical, psychological and spiritual development, cycles of our species and our planet.
I not only have boundaries, I have influences. I am subject to the influence of the people and environment that surround me, of the moon and stars. Rather then surrender to boundaries and influence and give in to the notion of uncontrolled destiny, I prefer a balanced approach. When I imagine, before I visualize, I reconcile by reflecting who I was and I am with what I want to become. When I do not reflect and reconcile, what I imagine does not become as I imagined it but rather there are additional features and consequences that reflect my karma and my influence. And yes there are usually features and consequences that I do not expect. My preference is to keep them at a minimum.
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